A Mother's Heart....

I used to think mothers were crazy when they would talk about how they wished the could fix the 'problem' for their kids.Problems that aren't fixable by a mommy that is. In my mind, I would think these are life lessons that your child has to figure out how to handle on their own.

Yesterday, when I went to the school to pick up the girls, I looked for the girls on the playground. I ususally try to arrive a little early so I can observe my daughters playing with their peers. I quickly spotted Reese with some of her 'regulars' and then started scanning for Brady. Brady and Reese usually play with the same 'regulars' on the playground. I found Brady on the opposite side of the playground, as far away as possible, kinda strolling along the fence line by herself. She was looking down at her feet, I assumed she was exploring the stones and vegetation in the back, nothing strange about that. But, I did find it odd she was all by herself, she is our social butterfly.

One of the teachers blew the whistle to signify end of playground time, time to go home. As usual Brady rushed right over to me and Reese basically ignored the whistle. I bend down to give my Brady girl a big hug, wrap one arm around her shoulders and one around her bottom...wetness. I immediately asked if she went down a wet slide. Brady has never had a accident at school so that didn't even cross my mind. Brady didn't answer me, I look at her eyes and that told me the answer. She had an accident. I asked when it happened and why she didn't tell her teachers. All I got was an embarrassed grunt.

I say quietly lets go get changed. I stop at the classroom to use our spare outfit they keep there, she says she wants to change in the car (not an option, I no longer carry spare clothes). She told me to hurry and get to the car. Then it all hit me and my heart broke for her. She didn't want ANYONE to know about her accident. She was 'hiding' in the corner of the playground so no other kids would find out about her accident, she didn't tell her teachers because she would have to change clothes and then the other kids would know. This all broke my heart, as a mother I wanted to hold her it make it all go away. I wanted to take her shame away for her and give her confidence. She didn't even want me to tell her dad about it, I wanted to tell her she is still little and there is nothing to hide. Quite honestly, I wanted to hold and cuddle her (like a baby) and make everything better.

All this emotion and all she did was wet herself. Am I going to be able to handle the middle school years, when every kid inevitably gets picked on at some point? Oh boy oh boy oh boy....a mother's heart is very strong and very weak!

On a side note: I have to tell you another story about an accident, why that is? I have been told by my family members that I am hard on Brady but let Reese get away with more. Today, after Brady's accident, I love on her, told her it was okay, explained it happens to everyone, that mommy wasn't at all upset. Fast forward three hours. Brady, Reese and I are all playing a game. Reese says she needs to pee. I say okay go...she comes back and forth several times (holding her privates), checking to see if Brady is playing without her, then to say there was a hand towel on the stool, so forth and so on. Well you know where this story leads...yep, pee on the bathroom floor. I immediately got upset with Reese, raised my voice and explained what she did wrong. As I was firmly talking to her, I flashed back to the hugs I gave Brady that same day for the same thing. Then I thought about how I have been told, i have two different kids thus I have to handle each kid individually and not try to blanket discipline. Brady was already self punishing for the accident and Reese would keep having accidents (I know from experience) until I got firm with her. Oh the adventures of parenting.